Boundaries…the setting of limits on the behaviors and choices that other people make. I am not great at setting up healthy boundaries. I am fluid by nature and tend to be too empathic. I have always played the role as the one who wants to fix things and make everyone happy, at the expense of my own health and well being at times.
It is a childhood process from the trauma of my very dysfunctional family system. Avoiding conflict at all cost, except the cost is my own self care and emotional well being. Setting healthy boundaries goes against my innate desire to help others. As a therapist, I know this. As a therapist, I have tools to share with clients but do not always use them for myself. I need a plan to put healthy boundaries in place to reclaim the peace in my daily life. Being present in the moment helps, except when that moment entails listening to the pain of the person in my life whom I am trying to help. Am I reacting out of guilt? Yes, somewhat. Am I reacting out of a need to fix it? Yes, somewhat. Is it my fault? No. Am I responsible for the choices of others? No.
So Why Do I Feel The Need To Fix It? Co-dependence, empathy, countertransference, the child inside me, the mother I am…..All of the above and more. Am I doing more harm than good?
Step 1 Awareness (done) I get it.
Step 2 Get through Christmas and New Year Holiday. Sometimes timing is everything. Be mindful of causing further pain during this difficult time.
Step 3 Have a discussion and speak my truth about the situation.
Step 4 The Good things in MY life are: I am loved, I have love to give, I am financially ok, My health is relatively ok, I can go to the gym, My children are well, My extended family is (relatively) well, My living situation is wonderful. I am grateful for my job. I have skills to destress. I have all I need in life. I can breathe and let go of the things that don’t serve me to hold on to. This is the key. Let go of the things I cannot control and be present in the moments I have. This pain and sadness that I have taken on and in my soul is not mine. I cannot change this situation and I did not cause it. I must detach myself from it as it is harming me to be so absorbed by it. Let it go. Breathe in good and positive energy from the love and magic of the season, the beauty of lights, light, light…..the beauty of light and love and giving, and breathe out the energy from the situation I cannot control. Let it go. It is not mine to fix.
My life is good. My life is full of love and light. My life is my life and I am grateful for my life. I am alive and well and I am loved. That is all that really matters.
Alive, Loved, Well.