I would love to live in a world where abundant sea shells were commerce, but sadlyimages.jpg I am not a mermaid.

Have you seen those commercials on the tv that have the guy at the bank sweating bullets while he reviews his retirement plan, or lack there of? Well, even if you haven’t, I’m sure you can conjure one up.

That was me yesterday while meeting with an insurance broker and discussing my retirement “portfolio”, haha. Laughing not laughing. First off, I have been trying to plan and save, but given my monthly income vs outgoing living expenses there isn’t a lot left over for retirement planning. Having been divorced at age 50 and basically left with nothing, I had to start over with all of my finances and was (still am) a mum with a very dependent (now adult) child who is in college. Starting retirement planning at 58? Sounds like a joke, a bad one, and it is on me.

I’ve really tried to be diligent over the past 8 years. I opened a SEP, a retirement plan for the self-employed and I contribute a set amount every month, but it is not ever going to be enough for me retire. The broker suggested I increase my risk in the market as I am now in a very conservative fund. Ya I am! I am very conservative about the tiny little nest egg I am building and I don’t want to lose it. I realize I could potentially increase my earnings in the fund if I take more risk, but I could lose more as well, especially  if this already sinking ship of a country tanks . With POTUS at the helm, we could be at war at blink of a tweet. What would that do to the stock market?

So, what to do, what to do? I don’t want to be scared about the future, but I am. I don’t want to dwell on issues of money, but I am. I don’t want to take another job to increase my monthly contributions, and I won’t.

Trying to be in the moment while talking to an insurance/brokerage agent is impossible.  Trying to be grateful for what I have is challenging when it is brought to my attention that the value of what little savings I have will be worth next to nothing due to inflation over the next ten years. Trying to believe “all will be fine” is difficult when on paper, the numbers clearly scream “all will not be fine”.

But in my heart, I do really know that it will be fine. I am doing my best, and that’s all I can do. I am not ignoring the issue and “hoping” it works out. I am planning and saving what little I can. I am taking care of my son. I am taking care of myself. I am doing the best with what I have, and short of winning the lotto, that’s the best I can do.

After all, we only really have today and today is the only day that is truly real. My words of affirmation and to meditate on for today are: I have enough. I am grateful. I have all I need.

Daily Word Prompt: Abundant